end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize