He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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