Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
