well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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