Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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