i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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