Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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