Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
