Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
