they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
