i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
