she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
