I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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