i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
