Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
