god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
