My friends, they love my intelligence
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
