My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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