I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
