Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
