Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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