Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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