walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
