Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
