My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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