eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
