Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize