I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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