What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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