Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
