I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
