OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
