Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
