So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
