wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
