i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When did angry sex become our thing?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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