i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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