Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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