This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
