someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
