Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
