i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
