Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize