Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
