if i died would you start the facebook group?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
