Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Someone shit on the floor
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
