Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
