Farmville is her only friend.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The power of my boobs compel you
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize