Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
