She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
