Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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