Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
