woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize