I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
