one might say we're banned from that church
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
