you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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