The maid of honor just puked.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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