we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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