"it" just moved
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
