My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
