we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
