Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize