Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
