I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
