It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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