Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
