I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My feet surprised me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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