I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
