We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
