Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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