Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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