and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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