Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
