I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
