can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I want a musical about memes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
