we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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