Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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