Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
