the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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