I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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