Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
